Dean Nelson

Gas is expensive and Americans, in general, are lazy. So what can we do to rectify both problems with one stone? Ride bicycles. Bikes are an eco-friendly, healthy way to get to where you need to go as long as you live within reasonable distance. Portland is often referred to as the bicycling capital of the US, and for good reason – we have tons of trails around the area and practically every street has a seperate bike-only lane, making it convenient and easy to start riding.

Here’s the problem with the hardcore bicyclists – they don’t follow the rules. They go from street rules to pedestrian rules as they please, and that just ain’t cool. This morning I was reminded twice about why I don’t like bicyclists.
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Bic Boys
When I was little, I used to be a bit frightened of the dudes from the Pep Boys logo. Their wicked grins and evil eyes always freaked me out a tad. For some reason, I thought that the dude on the Bic logo was somehow related to the Pep Boys, like they were the same company in some sort of way. Maybe they’re really just long-lost cousins or something.

Ethnic
Society’s abuse of the word “ethnic” makes me sad. For some reason, it seems like many people believe that if something is ethnic then it must be black. Being ethnic and being African are not the same, as there are plenty of other ethnicities out there. I wish someone would just stop the insanity.

Philanthropist
I tend to believe in the good nature of mankind, but I have yet to figure out what exactly “good” means. I guess it’s really a personal definition. When it comes to making decisions on a grand scale (which doesn’t really happen, but still) I tend to think about a situation as a whole, trying to determine the greatest benefit to the greatest amount of beneficiaries. I try to promote local and/or smaller organizations when they’re good but, more importantly, when they’re better.

Psilanthropist
Jesus was a cool dude. He was amicable, making him good at befriending those around him, and he was a jack of all trades – shephard, carpenter, doctor. I don’t think he was the son of god, though. I’m agnostic, so I don’t exactly have strong feelings about a higher being anyway, but I really don’t think that Jesus was the son of god any more than anyone else. Though I don’t believe he was divine, I think he was an extremely intelligent and gifted philanthropist and he makes a good role model as someone who lived his life firm in his beliefs, which is extremely admirable. There aren’t many people out there who can say the same.

Check out the mosquito tone. I can only hear it outta my right ear. Can you hear it?

These are driving activities I’d like to do sometime:

1. Take a road trip making only left turns.  I saw this in a commercial last night and it reminded me that I had this same idea a few years ago.
2. Leave the house in the morning and follow the first moving car that I see.  Once they get to where they’re goin’ then I’ll follow the next moving car that I see. If they notice that I’m tailing them and they stop to ask why, I’ll just say, “Hi, I’m following you.  You don’t mind, right?  Great.”  Rinse and repeat.
3. Go the speed limit for an entire rush hour with a miniature platoon of like-minded drivers, thus enducing severe road rage in all who are out-of-the-know.  Here’s my path, starting here in Hillsburrito:
1. We’d make our way down Hwy 26 East to I-405 North;
2. head down I-5 South to I-205 North;
3. go all the way up to, and then onto, I-84 West;
4. take I-5 North through Vancouver to I-205 South;
5. take I-205 South to I-5 North;
6. finally, we’d head back into downtown Portland and call it a day.

My aim: To cause a ruckus.

Sometimes we meet people who change our lives forever. Sometimes for good, sometimes for bad, but we always end up learning something from that person and taking away good life values. On the other hand, sometimes we meet people who make absolutely no sense and, as such, our lives are only richer because we make fun of them. We might question their existence, their purpose, their goals, and/or their parents.

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